


Things are never boring with Tony Stark

by MysticMedusa



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Mpreg, Multi, Orgy, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 11:25:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12725727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMedusa/pseuds/MysticMedusa
Summary: Tony gets bored, Clint lets himself be roped into shenanigans, Loki saved the pandas, nothing stays in Vegas, the elves made them do it, and someone should have warned them about sleeping with aliensoraka it's alright, ignore the fainting blondes and the convenient Odinsleep





	Things are never boring with Tony Stark

Really it’s the avengers fault for not thinking it through when Tony invited them to live with him. He was a billionaire and a genius; as such he got bored really easily. Yes he made and designed most of what came out of his company and therefore shouldn’t have free time but his mind worked so fast and his designs were perfect the first time he made them so he honestly did have a lot of free time to do other things. Being a super hero didn’t occupy all his time either and his so called relationship with Pepper hadn’t lasted a week before she realized she just couldn’t keep up with Tony. Tony got bored and wanted to do things while Pepper had to run his company. So they hadn’t lasted and easily returned to friends/employer and employee.

The first time the avengers realized just what Tony Stark really was like was a few days after they moved in. it was morning and Steve had returned from his run and showered before beginning to make breakfast. Natasha and Clint were up to eat before they reported in to Shield and Bruce was slowly waking up but not nearly as fast as the others.

Tony was dressed and looking sharp as he entered the kitchen.

“Who wants to help me kidnap a baby tiger and raise it to love me?”

“I do!” Clint jumped at the chance while Natasha slapped him over the head.

“You’re not getting a tiger as a pet.” Natasha scolded.

“Too late, Clint agreed. Come on Hawkbird, we’re off.” Tony said grabbing the archer not bothered by Widow’s murder stare as he kidnapped her partner.

Fury tried to call Tony to yell at him but Tony was too busy getting distracted and hanging out with his new bro to bother picking up the call. They were going to go find a baby tiger but then got distracted by being hungry. He and Clint ended up at IHOP where they proceeded to act like children and fling pieces of pancakes at each other while they ate. While Tony paid by handing over a few hundreds without asking for change surprising the waitress with the massive tip Clint made a comment about how the shelter probably had a lot of animals that got put down because they didn’t get adopted. That just made Tony sad so they ended up at a shelter where Tony fell in love with all the adorable cats and dogs there. Clint was right about how many animals ended up being put down so Tony had Clint take a bunch of pictures of him with the animals to post on his social media. Each animal was paired with a little introductory tag with information that either he or Clint wrote up for them. Soon people were pouring in wanting to adopt animals. One dog Clint had written a note that read: I buried my previous owner because he didn’t approve of me being a ninja. Tony held three cats with a note that said: Made with sugar, spies, and everything nice…with chemical X. Clint who got the reference was now officially his favorite bro( he made sure to send a memo out to Rhodey so he knew). There was a dog missing a leg that was super affectionate that Tony and Clint came up with a note that read: Aliens needed my leg to save the universe, you’re welcome.

By the end of the day a lot of animals were adopted and Tony walked out with two cats and Clint had a dog. Tony of course had them stop by the vet to get them checked out before buying them more supplies, toys, and food than he probably should have but who cares, he can do what he wants.

Clint’s dog was named Lucky and the first thing Clint did was feed him pizza. Tony’s two cats were named Mama and Mia, they were sisters and Tony loved them. Mama was a white and brown cat and Mia was a black and white cat. The two were ten years old so it was why they hadn’t been adopted. Before they returned home Tony got distracted again by a craving for frozen yogurt which Clint didn’t protest. He did however protest Fury yelling at him when they arrived at the tower.

“Fury no yelling at my bro, if you keep going on like this I’m going to steal him away and adopt him. I’ll shower him with love and money, I can do that. I’ll go to the bank right now and get a bunch of hundred dollar bills and I’ll make it rain everyday.”

Clint grinned, Fury was not impressed, and Natasha slapped them both over the heads earning claws to the face by two cats. It was a good day.

The next time Tony’s boredom won out was about a week later. Again the avengers were gathered when Tony walked in around noon.

“I want to go deep sea fishing but I’m afraid the siren song of the sea will tempt me to join the world of the merfolk, I need a big strong warrior to protect me or accept my spot as sacrifice. Sirens like virgins right? Steve you’re with me, I need to sacrifice you.”

It was also the first day they realized Tony’s train of thought may not make sense to those who didn’t think so fast it didn’t translate properly when it reached his mouth.

“I’m not going-”

“I’ll get you free tickets to whatever baseball game you like and I’ll donate to a charity of your choice.”

Steve sighed giving in.

“Alright let’s go.”

“Fishing sounds relaxing, I think I’ll join.”

Fishing with Tony Stark was not relaxing but Hulk had a giant man crush on Tony in the platonic sort of way so when Hulk came out they weren’t sleeping with the fishes at the bottom of the sea. In fact Hulk decided to go for a swim and ended up punch a few sharks. Tony had to call in an expert for dinner that night because he had no idea how to prepare shark. On the plus side Tony didn’t have to sacrifice Steve, not for the lack of trying though. The man was like a brick wall and refused to go overboard every time Tony pushed him. He claimed he heard the sirens and was trying to appease them, Steve for whatever reason wasn’t buying it.

Of course they’d get a few weeks sometimes without Tony making some strange announcement upon arrival. But like the guarantee of the sun raising and setting Tony would eventually grow bored and seek entertainment.

“I want to go skydiving, who’s with me?”

Oddly enough Natasha and Clint were all for it. Their skydiving trip was followed by dinner on the beach and watching the sunset. Steve regretted not going because he would have loved to paint the sunset.

Of course Tony didn’t just get bored while home. Thor had returned from Asgard claiming his brother escaped and sure enough Loki began performing mischief in their world. It was the third time he was causing problems that Tony suddenly stopped in the middle of the fight. Even Loki paused when he saw the normally loud and annoying ironed avenger suddenly quiet and still. Said avenger lifted his faceplate and looked right at Loki.

“I’m bored, I mean it’s a different kind of mischief than last time but I’m bored. Oh! Hey Loki you want to go see pandas with me? They’re adorable little things and I want to see them before they go extinct. I mean seriously those little fuckers are cute as hell but you can put them together and they won’t reproduce, they’re going to go extinct because they have no sex drive. You put me in a room with anyone long enough I’ll have sex with them. Let’s go see pandas!”

Steve was telling Tony to focus on the fight but Loki appeared intrigued by the genius and his chaotic train of thought. The god of mischief ended magicing both him and Tony away from the battlefield. His constructs he’d been using to attack the city vanished with him and within the hour Tony had posted in his media outlets several different videos of pandas humping. Apparently all it took was a simple spell to have the pandas fucking like rabbits. Tony and Loki even took pictures together with the pandas with the words: Loki promised to help me prevent the pandas from going extinct! Somewhere in the bowels of Shield Fury was cursing up a storm because everywhere people were praising Loki.

When Tony was dropped off at the tower later that day Steve was ready with a lecture while Thor demanded to know what happened with his brother. Tony just showed them all the pictures he didn’t post including Loki asleep in a pile of sleeping pandas. He looked so peaceful that Thor couldn’t even be angry. Steve still lectured Tony but then the genius ended up getting bored and kidnapping Clint to explode things.

If Loki made more appearances after that to invite himself to whatever random event Tony decided to participate in well no one was complaining as long as Loki wasn’t off being a villain.

“Let’s go explore!” Tony announced one day but none of the avengers wanting to indulge in his antics.

Loki appeared and oddly enough it had become normal enough that Steve just waved in greeting, Thor offered poptarts, and Clint hissed at him as he hugged his coffee close afraid the god would take it.

“Where are we exploring?”

“How about the motherland?”

Natasha raised a brow as she looked up from where she was painting her nails.

“Russians will eat you alive.”

“Are you telling me not to go?” Tony pouted.

“No, I’m just saying I’ll miss you when you’re gone.” She said offering a smile that almost made Tony believe he’d die which meant Tony ended up going because he loved a challenge.

Of course no one could foresee what would happen with Tony going to Russia. When he arrived days later with someone else in tow the group stared shocked.

“Tony, why do you have the Winter Soldier?” Natasha asked her hand twitching as she reached for her gun.

“Bucky?” Steve asked sounding both hopeful and lost.

“Hey punk, like my nails?” Bucky asked holding up his one flesh hand with silver nail polish.

“We got our nails done after we killed everyone holding him hostage. Oh we also went to a spa and spent some time at one of my private islands drinking margaritas.” Tony said holding up his red and gold nails while Loki held up his solid black nails.

“Wait you killed people?” Steve asked horrified.

“They were vermin who had no honor and twisted your comrade into a living weapon to do their bidding. If you are seriously going to complain or lecture us on our actions I’m not giving him back.” Loki said wrapping an arm around Bucky ready to steal him away.

“Sorry Loki, the damn punk clearly still hasn’t learned when not to pick a fight. I thank you for saving me from Hydra, they had me doing assassinations for years. Be nice to finally wake up and not have my head electrocuted.”

Loki offered a small smile to Bucky.

“Yes well if they become an issue again feel free to call me, you have my number.”

With that Loki vanished.

“Have fun reuniting with your Capsicle. I’ve got work to do before Pepper comes to hunt me down.”

Tony wondered off while Steve finally rushed forward and hugged his old friend. Pepper still ended up hunting Tony down and lecturing him on leaving without giving her any warning. Apparently he’d missed a meeting. No amount of begging brought any avenger to his aid when Pepper dragged him off to make up for missing the meeting.

 

~

 

Tony was still caught up in one of his inventing binges when Bucky strode into his workshop and pushed his project away.

“I was working on that.”

“I want to try the new food this century has to offer.”

And just like that Tony was bored with his project and grinned at Bucky.

“Food I can do.”

“Is Cap coming or do I have you all to myself?” He wiggled his eyebrow in a way that might suggest he was hitting on Bucky but Tony was always like this.

“No and no, now get ready.”

Well that was confusing but Tony didn’t care. He hadn’t eaten in a while and he was happy to go out for food. When he arrived ready to go Bucky was just putting his phone in his back pocket. Two seconds later Loki appeared.

“I have been promised food.”

“How are you two friends?” Clint asked from where he was lounging with Lucky on the couch eating pizza.

Bucky didn’t even grace Clint with an answer and simply wrapped an arm around Loki and began talking about all the things he’d heard about from Steve that he wanted to try. Of course as always Tony got distracted and the three ended up in Vegas. Super soldier and god or not Vegas was a place where anything was possible and the three ended up drunk. Tony wasn’t even sure what happened until he woke up naked with Loki’s dick an inch from his face because he’d passed out on the god who was equally naked. The hard form pressing against his back told him they either picked up someone else or Bucky was cuddling him. He didn’t really have long to consider this as their hotel door was being broken down and Hydra arrived wanting their asset back. Drunk or not the three kicked ass and Tony felt obligated to send Steve an update which came in the form of a picture of them naked and standing over the Hydra agent’s corpses. Shield did clean up while Steve lectured (attempted to lecture the three, Loki decided he was having none of it and left) Bucky and Tony.

Apparently after that incident Steve got the wrong idea and talked to Tony about inviting Loki to the avengers. Tony had worked hard not to laugh in Steve’s face. He managed to hold off until he found Bucky who laughed with him. Both knew Loki didn’t want to be a hero; he was just content to no longer be bored. Of course Loki was like Tony in the fact he got bored easily and often. This showed when the god showed up one night and declared he wanted to go to a festival in Alfheim. Apparently it was wrong to go to the festival alone so he worked his magic getting Tony and Bucky dressed in appropriate clothing and then proceeded to kidnap them.

Naturally Loki had not mentioned the festival to anyone else and the avengers assumed the two had been kidnapped by one of their many enemies. The festival was a weeklong event and when the three returned Loki was carrying a sleepy genius wrapped up in furs under one arm and Bucky was only wearing pants with a clear number of love bites covering his chest and neck.

“Where have you been? We thought you were kidnapped.” Steve said when he saw them.

Loki looked annoyed but unlike the previous times he was about to be lectured by the super soldier he didn’t vanish.

“He is annoying me. Wife, where is our bedroom?” He asked the bundle in his arms that had been attempting to go back to sleep.

“Not wife…penthouse…” The sleepy bundle mumbled.

“Ah, very good. Come wife #2, I wish to continue consummating our marriage. Do not keep me waiting.”

Bucky just followed while Steve processed what Loki said and proceeded to faint. Thor, Clint, and Bruce found the super soldier on the floor and were informed by JARVIS that he’d fainted. Steve came to and immediately began rambling about apparently Loki kidnapped and married the two avengers. Confused by the entire thing the group went up to the penthouse to see what the hell was going on. Thor and Steve would never be the same after that. There were no words any of the avengers could use to describe the strange sexual acts they’d walked in on. Sadly it was like a train wreck. Something you knew you should look away from but you were frozen in place watching in horror. Neither of the three had been deterred in the slightest by their audience. Hell Loki and Tony had both invited Bruce to join their bed. The shy doctor had looked like he was considering it but never responded. Only when the three were done did the group snap out of their frozen state. Steve and Thor ran away unable to process the sight of those closest to them doing what they had been.

“How the hell are you so bendy? You’re fucking forty?” Clint exclaimed finally now that Tony was folded up like a pretzel for whatever crazy sex act he’d been participating in.

“Because I’m awesome.” Tony mumbled tiredly from where he was currently nuzzling Bucky’s chest.

“Why did you only invite me?” Bruce asked still not moving even though all three were still very naked and not covered even a little.

“Because it would be awkward with any of the others. If the hawk was interested he is more than welcome into our bed. I simply thought after our shared history he would be offended by such an offer.” Loki answered lounging on the bed still surprisingly hard after the three rounds they’d witness and no doubt having already gone through several more before their arrival.

Clint and Bruce exchanged a look. Both shrugged, it wasn’t like they were going to get the chance to sleep with a god, a billionaire, or assassin again. Hearing both interested Tony perked up immediately like the man was a sex demon and his appetite was never satisfied. Six hours later a sexed out Clint and Bruce stumbled into the common area needing food and water. Natasha clearly hadn’t been informed of what happened as she assumed the two had been together. Only after raiding the kitchen and leaving nothing when they were done did either speak.

“Barnes is a master of eating ass.” Clint said.

“Tony is a god of blowjobs.” Bruce said earning an even more shocked look from Natasha.

“And Loki can take a dick like nobody’s business.” Clint added.

The only notice either got that they had additional guests to their conversation was the loud thump of both Steve and Thor passing out again. Honestly Natasha wasn’t surprised that Tony, Loki, and Bucky ended up married together on an alien planet. She was however impressed by the way it happened and the fact the two blonds had been fainting with the news and after witnessing what they’d seen in the penthouse.

Apparently at the festival Tony had convinced Bucky to do certain dance moves around Loki which were similar enough to a mating dance among the elves. Said mating dance was not allowed to be done unless married so as such the elves had insisted the three be wed and of course none of the three had argued. They just got married and fucked like rabbits before returning home after the festival. Before they left one of the elves had wished them many happy years together and luck in having a family one day. Of course when Tony explained this Natasha looked interested.

“Didn’t the elf know you’re all men?”

“You silly Midgardians and your concepts of conception. Gender does not matter among those of Asgard.”

“Crazy says what?” Clint asked alarmed.

“Gender does not matter. Why is this such a shock to you?” Loki asked looking as though Clint were the idiot.  

“Men can’t get pregnant so don’t you dare tell me I might be carrying a Loki Jr. in me right now.”

Loki’s brow raised further.

“Why do you assume I’m the father? Surely you recall there were two others who bedded you after I had my turn with you.”

Clint joined Thor and Steve on the floor as he fainted.

“Thank god I didn’t bottom.” Bruce said deciding he didn’t have a problem with the news.

Of course nine months later when Tony held up a tiny green baby Bruce passed out right next to Fury who had been present as all three men had given birth. Natasha just stepped over the passed out Fury, Bruce, and Steve to coo at the three babies. While Tony’s was a familiar green, Clint’s was blue and frosty, and Bucky’s had the intelligent eyes of a certain resident genius. Thor of course had informed his parents of the birth but Frigga had to inform him that sadly Odin wouldn’t be visiting anytime soon as the news of a mini Loki had sent him right into Odin’s sleep. A month later they were still waiting for him to come out. Bucky and Tony had bets he’d wait after the children’s teen years. Loki had wisely not taken a bet against them.


End file.
